Posted 14 years ago
·
Author
ATTENTION WORLD.
Now that I have your irrelevantly undivided attention, I have breaking news for everyone on the planet Earth and Omicron Persei 8:
I have reason to believe that there's going to be a mass terrorist attack in the three days from now against the ENTIRE EARTH. The terrorist claims to come in peace but I have to believe otherwise. Okay, here's some tips on what he looks like, what he's plotting, and what you can do to protect your house from being attacked.
His appearance:
Old
Fat
Evil grin
Beard
Red suit -- I think it's bullet proof, too
Carries a bag of plastic explosives on his back
Goes by the name of Nick
His plot:
Infiltrate as many houses as possible and plant decoyed explosive devices and listening bugs
Steal as many baked goods as he can, hopefully depleting our food source so we can't survive the aftermath
Create an army of tiny midget soldiers
TAKE. OVER. WORLD.
What you can do:
Board up the top of your chimney, I hear he likes to use unconventional methods of sneaking into houses
Bolt your doors, windows
Create a shelter in case of nuclear explosion
Gather food for 1-2 weeks
Make sure to have a stock pile of weapons
Keep your eye sharp, he travels by a disguised rocket ship that "looks" like a sleigh, but is indeed, a rocket.
If he tries to get in, shoot to kill, but be warned... he is known to use deadly force.
I can only hope that this evil man's desire for world conquest shall fall to crumbles as this message is passed from person to person, nation to nation. We must not let him succeed!
Now that I have your irrelevantly undivided attention, I have breaking news for everyone on the planet Earth and Omicron Persei 8:
I have reason to believe that there's going to be a mass terrorist attack in the three days from now against the ENTIRE EARTH. The terrorist claims to come in peace but I have to believe otherwise. Okay, here's some tips on what he looks like, what he's plotting, and what you can do to protect your house from being attacked.
His appearance:
Old
Fat
Evil grin
Beard
Red suit -- I think it's bullet proof, too
Carries a bag of plastic explosives on his back
Goes by the name of Nick
His plot:
Infiltrate as many houses as possible and plant decoyed explosive devices and listening bugs
Steal as many baked goods as he can, hopefully depleting our food source so we can't survive the aftermath
Create an army of tiny midget soldiers
TAKE. OVER. WORLD.
What you can do:
Board up the top of your chimney, I hear he likes to use unconventional methods of sneaking into houses
Bolt your doors, windows
Create a shelter in case of nuclear explosion
Gather food for 1-2 weeks
Make sure to have a stock pile of weapons
Keep your eye sharp, he travels by a disguised rocket ship that "looks" like a sleigh, but is indeed, a rocket.
If he tries to get in, shoot to kill, but be warned... he is known to use deadly force.
I can only hope that this evil man's desire for world conquest shall fall to crumbles as this message is passed from person to person, nation to nation. We must not let him succeed!
what is this all about brother 
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DD