As many of you probably don't know/don't care. I am going to college in 2 years. Needless to say, this requires a strong resume.

My resume requires me to list any technical skills such as proficiency with word processors and spreadsheets, creating spreadsheets, etc. etc.

Can anyone help me with some things that sound good for my resume, that I won't actually need to prove?

Any help is appreciated!!

Say you're a good persuader.
Don't think they can actually make you prove that.

Technical skills? Well, I guess you're just gonna have to "learn" Microsoft Word 2010. It's actually easy...

01) tell them you know Klingon (just learn a few simple phrases), no one actually speaks it..., so no one will ever ask you to prove it
02) you have spent the first 16 years of your life being a human, so you are really good at it
03) you spent 2 years as the Don of an international mafia of computer hackers
04) tell them that you are good at robbing banks, and if they ask you to prove this..., tell them you can not because that would be against the law
05) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiGsrkWIdCk
06) tell them that you can do professional stripping, if they ask you to prove it, then threaten to sue them for sexual harassment if they do not let you into their college
07) tell them that if they let you into their college, you will be in their college (tautology 101)
08) Just tell them this, "I am a wedge with a sponge taped to it. My purpose is to wedge myself into someone’s door to absorb as much as possible."...it will either portray you as someone smart beyond your years...or as a complete idiot
09) you have telephone skills
10) tell them that you can type without looks at the keyboard

If they ask for anything else, just put us on speaker phone, and we shall sing this with you:

Really though, you can get ideas from that video. ^^

Don Falcon. I am the Don of the Mafia;
Family. And a right swell Don, as well!
Don. I am very, very swell,
And be it understood,
I command a family swell,
Family. We are very, very swell,
And be it understood,
He commands a right swell fam-ly.
Don Falcon. Though related to a saint,
I can spare and kill without constraint,
And eat a cannoli;
I've never known to implore,
At the darkness of a war,
And I am never squeamish at dead bodies!
Family. What, never?
Don Falcon. No, never!
Family. What, never?
Don Falcon. Hardly ever!
Family. He's hardly ever squeamish at dead bodies!
Then give two cheers, and cheer one more,
At the kick ass Don of the em-vue Ma-fi-a!
Don Falcon. I do my best to please you all--
Family. And with you we're quite content.
Don Falcon. Family you're exceedingly polite,
And I think it only right
To return the compliment.
Family. We're so exceedingly polite,
That the Don thinks it's only right
To return the compliment.
Don Falcon. Bad language or abuse,
I never, never use,
Whatever the emergency;
Though "Bother it" I may
Occasionally say,
I never drop an F, Bomb
Family. What, never?
Don Falcon. No, never!
Family. What, never?
Don Falcon. Hardly ever!
Family. He hardly ever drops an F, Bomb
Then give two cheers, and cheer one more,
For the well-manered Don of the em-vue Ma-fi-a!

LMAO WHAT A SONG! We gotta learn the lyrics fast, everyone learn them ASAP

5 Secret Societies You Can Join:

1) Ancient Order Of The Rosicrucians - download membership application here: http://www.rosenkreuzer-orden.org
English version: http://www.rosicrucianis.org/html/en/index.html (They claim to be older than any religion, and to have the secrets of everlasting healing, fulfillment, and joy; it is proven in many books and texts that they are extremely old. Currently their main following is in Europe.)

2) Freemasons - just call your local Grand Lodge to find the nearest local lodge: http://www.masonicinfo.com/grandlodges.htm (The group is secretive and has its own handshake!)

3) Opus Dei - you should have a local chapter (be careful around this group though, many of their chapters are anti-catholic and use brain washing)

4) Sovereign Military order Of The Temple Of Jerusalem (Also known as The Knights Templar) - send resume and letter of introduction to Membership@smotj.org (This is a group that protects religious sites and religious artifacts)

5) Ordo Templi Orientis - join here: http://www.oto-usa.org (You may know the leaders of this group as The Illuminati.)