When I was about 16 I had never really had any kind of physical relationship with any girls although I'd had plenty of crushes. Basically the first time I ever slept in the same bed as a girl (goodness knows why her parents actually trusted that whilst they were away I would sleep in her vacant brother's room) I was recovering from a cold and just as she walked into the room to get into bed wearing only a t-shirt and underwear I immediately had a nose-bleed of epic proportions! It lasted for ages and most definitely killed whatever mood there could possibly have been.

The worst thing was that her room, especially her bed sheets, was pretty much a spotless white from top to bottom. Luckily I was swift at sweeping away to the bathroom before I made it look like a murder scene. Why must I always get a bleeding nose at the end of a cold? Ah well, I'm glad nothing happened to be honest, I certainly wasn't ready haha

Hey, I think I have some tips that might be of use to you, though you've likely already heard of some.(By the way, this post is long so I hope you don't mind that!)

You can practice balance by setting your board on the carpet in the house(if you've taken it out, just wipe the wheels with a paper towel or two), or set it out on some grass, stand on it and see how it feels for you. Balance is key in skating, so doing this often should help you a lot towards doing more things.

Now, how to turn without toppling over: you can learn to shift your weight carefully to the front or back of the board, and make sure to keep your knees slightly bent to send your weight in an eased fashion onto the board, because skating with legs straightened can let yourself have some tumbling off coming. Another way you can turn direction, is another method like the tic-tac. This method is a bit more difficult, and having the balance part of skateboarding down plays a larger role in this. While keeping your front foot(since you could either be regular or goofy) where it'd normally be, place your back foot right on the tail, and prepare to shift some weight onto it. This part, comes in with pushing down on the tail, while keeping some force/weight still on the front foot. This should pop the nose of your board up. During this, use the force on the tail with your back foot to turn the entire board left or right, just whichever direction you'd like to go. Once you've turned into the desired direction(of course make sure to maintain balance through this process), push down with your front foot to bring the board back down. And to tic-tac, do this rather fast.

1. If there are five apples, and you take away three, how many do you have?

2. Lee's parents emigrated from China. They have five children. The first four are named La, Le, Li, and Lo. What did they name the fifth?

3. A red house is made from red bricks, a blue house is made from blue bricks, a pink house is made from pink bricks, and a black house is made from black bricks. What is a greenhouse made from?

4. The Spanish Civil War, which began July 17 of 1936, was fought between:

5. In baseball, how many outs are there in an inning?

6. Do they have a Fourth of July in England?

7. Are girls dumber than boys? Or is it the other way around?

8. A rancher has 33 head of cattle standing in a field, when suddenly a bolt of lightning kills all but 9 of them. How many head of cattle are left standing?

9. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60 of a degree every minute how many degrees will the hand move in one hour?

10. Due to a birth defect, a boy is born with 14 toes, 11 fingers, and 3 thumbs. How many fingernails does the boy have?

11. George Bush's approval rating has recently fluctuated between 35% and 60%. Approximately what chance does George Bush have to win the 2008 Presidential election?

12. Some months have 31 days, and some months have 30 days. But how many have 28 days?

13. You're the pilot of an airplane that travels from New York to Chicago - a distance of 800 miles. The plane travels at 200 MPH and makes one stop for 30 minutes. What is the pilot's name?

14. If the Vice President of the United States died, who would be President?

15. John digs a hole that is 2 yards wide, 3 yards long, and 1 yard deep. How many cubic feet of dirt are in it?

16. When you adjust for inflation, which is worth more:

17. Two U.S. coins are worth a total of $0.30, and one of them is not a nickel. What are the coins?

18. Which of the following times occur after 3pm?

19. If all of Australia sank into the ocean, which of the following would become the world's new largest island?

20. Do people get dumber with age? How old are you?

A lady gets on a public bus. Without saying a word, she gestures to the bus driver by sticking
her thumb on her nose and waving her fingers at the driver.

The driver acknowledges the lady, turns to her and uses both hands in the same type of gesture
and waves all his fingers at her.

The woman holds her right arm out at the driver and chops at it a few times with her left hand.

Then the driver puts his left hand on his right bicep and jerks his right arm up in a fist at her.

The woman then cups both of her hands under her breasts and lifts gently.

So the driver places both of his hands at his crotch and gently lifts up.

Then the woman frowns, runs a finger up between her derriere, and gets off the bus.

There is another woman sitting in the front row of the bus who witnessed the whole exchange.
She speaks up, "That was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen on a public bus! What the
hell were you doing?"

"Listen lady," states the gruff bus driver, "the lady that got on the bus before was a deaf-mute.
She asked me if the bus went to 5th Street. I said no, we go to 10th Street. She asked if we
make many stops. I told her that this was the express. She asked if we go by the dairy, and
I told her we go by the ballpark. She said "Shit, I'm on the wrong bus!" and got off."

A man dies and goes to heaven. Expecting a long line, he is
surprised to see nobody there at all, except for an angel sitting
in a chair with his feet up on a table.

"Hello there," said the angel, "I'm Saint Peter, welcome to heaven!"

"Thank you, Saint Peter," said the man, "where is everyone?"

"Well, you're in luck. Today is just a very slow day, and to make
the time pass, I like to give tours to the new arrivals. Would you
enjoy a complete guided tour of heaven?"

"Gosh, I'd love a tour of heaven...lead on, Saint Peter, lead on."

Well, Saint Peter takes him everywhere. They go to hear the Heavenly
Choir, three hundred angels singing on high. They go to the Great
Hall of Saints and the Great Temple of Martyrs and the man is just
overwhelmed. Finally, Saint Peter take him to the Throne Room of
God himself. The man's heart skips a beat, and the light at the
far end of the room just blinds him to the point that he can't
stand it any longer. He is escorted out.

Then, Saint Peter walks him into a hugh room filled with thousands
and thousands of clocks, large and small, all shapes, all kinds.

The man is puzzled. He asks, "What is this room full of clocks
all about?"

In a lecturing tone, Saint Peter describes, "This is the Room of
Souls. Each clock in the room represents a single human soul.
The time on each clock represents how long each is to live. Each
and every time a person lies, however, the hands of the clock move
a bit faster."

The man glances up and notices a huge clock, face downward,
whizzing around at a great rate of speed. His curiosity gets the
better of him and he asks, "What is that clock?"

"Oh that one. That's OJ's clock. We use it as a fan."

A husband and wife surveyor team are working on a new plot of land
for a building development.

They are standing some ninety or a hundred yards apart when
the husband discovers he is missing a tool he needs for something
he is working on.

So he whistles to his wife. When she looks at him, he gestures.
He points to his eye, then to his knee, and then pantomimes the
motion of turning a wrench. "I need a wrench," he says as he
gestures, knowing she is too far away to hear him.

She watches his gestures and nods. Then she gestures back.
She points to her eye, then touches her heart, and then touches
her crotch.

He doesn't get her reply so he repeats his gesture sequence. "I
need a wrench," he repeats.

She nods even more vigorously and repeats her sequence but he
still doesn't get it.

Later that evening at dinner, the husband says, "You know this
afternoon, when I gestured to you?"

She says, "Yes, I remember."

He says, "I was trying to tell you that (gesturing) 'I need a
wrench.'"

"Oh yeah, I got that. I tried to tell you that (gesturing) 'I
left it in the box.'"

There was this guy who just got a new job as a school bus driver for elementary
school children. He thought it would be nice to paint the school bus with characters
from Sesame Street. So he painted Bert and Ernie, Big Bird, The Cookie Monster and
the rest on the bus.

At his first stop, there was this very overweight little girl. He opened the door and said,
" Hi, I'm the new bus driver. What is your name?" The girl said that her name was Pattie.

Waiting at the next stop was another overweight little girl. He said, "Hi, I'm the new
bus driver. What is your name?" She said that her name was Pattie also.

At the next stop, there was a grown woman and a little boy. The bus driver said,
"Hi, I'm the new bus driver. What is your name?"

The woman piped up and said, "His name is Ross and he is my son." She continued,
"He is very, very special, so I want you to take extra good care of him."

The bus driver replied, "No problem. He can have this seat right behind me and I can
watch him carefully in the mirror."

At the next stop, there was this little country boy standing there. The little boy was
wearing tattered overalls and had no shoes or socks on his feet. The poor little boy
had problems walking because of bunions all over his feet. The bus driver said, "Hi,
I'm the new bus driver. What is your name?"

The little boy replied, "My name is Lester Cleese." Well, little Lester picked at his
bunions all the way to the school house, nearly driving the driver crazy.

Later that night, at home, his wife asked him how his first day on the new job was.

The man replied:

"Well, I had Two Obese Patties, Special Ross, Lester Cleese Picking Bunions On A
Sesame Street Bus."

A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving
above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red
lights on in his rear view mirror.

He thinks "I can outrun this guy," so he floors it and the race is
on. The cars are racing down the highway -- 60, 70, 80, 90 miles
an hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures
he can't outrun the cop and gives up. He pulls over to the curb.

The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car.
He leans down and says "Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day,
and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let
you go."

The man thought for a moment and said, "Three weeks ago, my wife
ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear
view mirror, I thought you were that officer and you were trying
to give her back to me!

A horse and a chicken were walking down a country road and they
saw that there was some corn just across the ditch by the road.
The horse walked over to eat the corn. Before he got to the corn
he became stuck in the mud. For all his trying he could not get
out of the mud.

So he tells the chicken, "Hey, go over to that farm house and get
some help to get me out of this mud."

When the chicken gets to the farm house, he can't find anybody to
help him get the horse out of the mud. However, he notices that
there is a Mercedes parked in the driveway and the keys are in
the ignition. The chicken drives the Mercedes back down the road,
ties a rope he found to the Mercedes and throws the other end to
the horse. In a jiffy the horse is out of the mud.

The two proceed down the road again. And again they see some more
corn on the side of the road. This time the chicken crosses over
the ditch to get the corn. And as luck would have it, the chicken
gets stuck in the mud.

The chicken tells the horse, "Hey, go get that Mercedes and pull
me out of this mud."

The horse surveys the problem and says, "I think I can straddle
this ditch because it is not too big and when I do just grab my
dick and I'll pull you out of the mud." The horse does as he says
and the chicken is pulled out of the mud.

So what is the moral of this story?

When your hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up
chicks!

One day, a boy was walking down a road when a frog called to him,
"Boy, if you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess."

The boy picked up the frog, smiled at it, then placed the frog
into his pocket. A few minutes later, the frog said, "Boy, if you
kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, and I will
stay with you for a week."

The boy took the frog from his pocket, smiled at it, then put it
back into his pocket. A few minutes later, the frog said,
"Boy, if you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess,
I will do ANYTHING you want!"

The boy took the frog from his pocket, smiled, and put it back.
Finally, the frog cried, "Boy, what is the matter, I have told you
that I am a beautiful princess, and if you kiss me, I will stay
with you and do ANYTHING you want!"

The boy took the frog from his pocket and said, "Look, I am an
engineering student, I have no time for a girlfriend, but a
talking frog is cool!"