A man, called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper," the accountant

replied. Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie." Confused, the

man went to his Rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. "Let me tell you a story," replied the Rabbi. "A woman, about to

be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. She replied suggesting that her daughter wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to

her neck. But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. Wear your sexiest negligee, with a Vee neck right down to your navel." The man protested:

"Rabbi, what does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?" "No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed.

Little Johnny was sitting one day on a dock. Along came a preacher and sat down beside him. Little Johnny had a mason jar full of what looked like water and he was

turning it over and over, watching the bubbles float through it. The Preacher asked, "What are you doing with that water?" Little Johnny studied the contents of the jar

for a moment, then explained, "Preacher, this here is turpentine. It's the strongest liquid in the world." The preacher replied, "Son, Holy water is the strongest liquid

in the world. Did you know if you rub a little Holy water on a pregnant woman's belly, she will pass a baby boy?" Little Johnny thought about this one for a minute, and

then remarked, "Nope, this here turpentine is still the strongest because if you rub it on a cat's ass, it can pass a speeding car!"

A dad walks into the market followed by his ten-year-old son. The kid is spinning a 25-cent piece in the air and catching it between his teeth. As they walk through the

market someone bumps into the boy at just the wrong moment and the coin goes straight into his mouth and lodges in his throat. He immediately starts choking and going

blue in the face and Dad starts panicking, shouting and screaming for help. A middle-aged, fairly unnoticeable man in a gray suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market

reading his newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion he looks up, puts his coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds his newspaper and

places it on the counter. He gets up from his seat and makes his unhurried way across the market. Reaching the boy (who is still standing, but only just) the man carefully

takes hold of the kid's testicles and squeezes gently but firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the 25-cent piece, which the man catches

in his free hand. Releasing the boy, the man hands the coin to the father and walks back to his seat in the coffee bar without saying a word. As soon as he is sure that

his son has suffered no lasting ill effects, the father rushes over to the man and starts effusively thanking him. The man looks embarrassed and brushes off the father's

thanks. As he's about to leave, the father asks one last question: "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before - it was fantastic - what are you, a surgeon or

something like that?" "Oh, good heavens no" the man replies, "I work for the IRS."

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what;

metal, wood, plastic -- anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired. What could he

do to help his daughter? He consulted his

wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured." The king was overjoyed. The

next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. Three young

princes took up the challenge. The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly.

The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched it, it

melted. He too was sent away disappointed. The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." The princess

did as she was told, though she turned red. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!! The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the

third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was the object in the prince's pants?


They were M&M's of course. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. (What were you thinking?)

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God... "Lord, I have a problem!" "What's the problem, Eve?" "Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this

beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy." "Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above. "Lord, I am

lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples." "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you." "What's a 'man,' Lord?" "This man will be a flawed

creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat, and be vainglorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things.

He will look silly aroused, but since you've being complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your... ah, physical needs. He'll be witless and will revel

in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advise to think properly." "Sounds great," says Eve, with an

ironically raised eyebrow. "What's the catch, Lord?" "Yeah, well.... you can have him on one condition." "What's that, Lord?" "As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-

admiring...So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first...So, just remember... it's our secret... Woman-to-woman!"

how in the world you can post pages of topics

Ha....

Ehh? Dont get this lmao sorry bruhhh

Here everyone can write tales and anecdotes

I see